WHISHING WHILE CRYING

"WISH YOU WERE HERE".- Pink Floyd

I always reserved a moment at night to cry the shit out.

Tonight is not the exception. 

I had such an amazing afternoon, riding a bike, watching the fire sky and hanging with mom at the movies.

And then, I don’t know how it happen, but suddenly I was all in tears.

Guess it was the part of the movie when the daughter gets a hug from his dad, and the dad (which was a doctor, too) tells her little girl some-nice-thing- I don’t remember. Anyway, realizing I won’t have those moments, those hugs, the look in his eyes, really breaks me. 

I know I’ll meet the right guy sooner or later, and he will not meet him. 

Having on my mind the exhausting guilty of thinking he died worrying about me.

Wearing his fav jacket (because it was a gift from me, and I bought it thinking on borrowing it from him) every night as my pijama uniform.

Heating the train, closing the gate, watering the trees. I know, sounds stupid, but for me, for us, was our thing.

I don't wanna get sick, since I lost my doctor. I don't want another doctor, hell no.

I ride my bike and all these questions pop in my head (about bike problems and life issues).

 I read stuff about science or spirituality and I got no one to discuss it.

How I wish… wish you were here.

PS:

I was crying all the time while I was writing this. Not that you care, but hey, I gotta write it down.