I'm having a midgnight crisis
I don't usually write in english but this time I wanna do it because if I write what Im thinking/feeling it will end up full of cursing and I guess the "fuck" verb is much lighter than any other spanish cuss word.
Anyway, I wanna start saying fuck you dear internet, you are making my nights so frustrating. I can even watch a movie or write on twitter or do whatever the fuck I want, so, yeah, fuck you, very very much. You are slow and prehispanic and you are al fucked up.
Fuck you stomach. Im hungry 24/7... how can I throw my exercise away in the dumbest way? Why can I close my goddamn mouth? Im not gonna continue saying how stupid I feel because I deserve that feeling. Control yourself would be my personal reminder.
Third. Fuck you cancer. Even though I try not to think about it and try so hrad to avoid the feelings surrounding the illness, there's a point on my day where I find myself bad tripping about it. I wish I didn't think as much as I do on the bas scenarios but I cant help it, my brain is not processing the hmmmm process?
And let's talk about number 4. The last on my list but not the least.
My brain. My mind. My toughts. MY mental activity. My reasoning. My ideas. My fucking fucking head... and I traduce all the mention in one word: you.
Is fucking tired to be compulsive-obsess thinking about you. Being alucinating, overthinking and wishing you, not wishing something about you, no. I'm wishing you. Yourself. Your mind and your body. Your imagination. Your present and future. Your plans. Your life. Your so precious brain.
Im wishing, god knows, god know that I'm wishing to be with you right now and just hold you on my arms and kiss you and hug you and cuddle you. Stop it, you asshole. Get out of my fucking head right now. I thing it' not fair, how is it gonna be fair, since you don't even know how I feel?
Fuckkkkk, fuck fuck and refuck...I wish you can be here and talk to me like you do, with all the wisdom on your words and all the sweetness on your voice. I know it's dumn and childish. And I'm wasting my time, not because you are making me waste it, it's all about me and my mind and the unrealistic scenarios I create were we are together and fuck, damn, fuck fuck fuck, it sucks that when I heard a song ( the killers of the strokes' songs, mostly) nd you are in every fucking single word and in every fucking accord.
And when I decide to give up on you, suddenly a mysterious sign appears and hits me in the face like telling me: do't move on, stay, try harder, wait... you are almost there. But you know what? I need to stop it. I need to un-trip-myself-from-you.
Those are my fucks, my 4F.